Congratulations! I am a nurse for first time moms and a mom of twins. Postpartum nonnegotiable is….Shower daily. It won’t the the same time every day, it maybe at night mid day or in the morning (anytime someone can sit with the baby bc you always hear a baby crying in the shower; it’s weird) but it can save your sanity. Give yourself a break; your job in the beginning is feed baby, clean baby, hold baby and feed yourself be clean and have someone give you a hug if you can lol.
Oh and remember “crying doesn’t mean dying” that’s how babes talk to say absolutely everything so take a breath and you got this 👏😊
This was my first thought too. I’m 10 weeks into my 4th postpartum season and my daily shower is nonnegotiable. Does the baby cry during it? Every time, but it’s a mind/body break that is essential.
Also, try and get outside time in every day. Early on this looks like sitting on the porch or walking around your yard, then evolves into walks.
Can I third this comment/motion?!? A shower and a fresh set of clothes always felt good and did wonders.
Second piece I’ll offer is to always remember if you find yourself having what seems like an all-nighter with your littlest love, remember it’s only a season and you will actually miss it one day. I told myself that many times, especially with my third baby who loved all-night parties. We eventually found a rhythm and now she’s 17 and giving me all the teenager love. I’m truly so excited for yall! What a beautiful blessing!
- getting off of social media!!! I didn’t do this until my third baby but my god, did it save me mentally in so many ways.
- finding a good book to listen to or read on my kindle app so I always had it on hand and could read during feedings.
- I picked a comfort show to binge watch during late night feedings. Mine was Gilmore Girls. Also helped to have a snack I’d eat during that time. And truthfully, mine was Ghirardelli chocolate chips because no one tells you that breastfeeding / postpartum cravings are also a very real thing!!
- having more than one nursing pillow around the house so I wasn’t always trying to track it down
- having a friend set up a meal train so friends could bring me meals or send me gift cards for take out
- being very honest with my husband and talking to him all about how I was feeling/not holding any of it in.
- getting outside with my baby at least once a day.
- a baby carrier / wrap — allowed me to have babies contact nap and still have my hands free and the ability to move around the house
- with my first two I put them in their own room by the time they were 3 weeks old 😬 with my third he was in our room for like 6 months. Do what works for YOU. If you can’t stand the baby grunts in the middle of the night, it’s okay for the baby to be in his or her own room!
Lastly, the biggest thing I wish someone had told me after my first baby is that it is okay to not love every second of becoming a mom and motherhood. In fact, you won’t love every second. However, this in no way makes you a bad mom or means you love your baby any less. It just means you’re human, and you too are learning a new way of being in the world. 🫶🏼
Truly so excited for you, can’t wait to see you become a mama! This baby is already luckier than he or she knows!
Hi Joy! Truly to each their own, but: My husband and I decided to ask loved ones to wait a little bit before visiting after the baby was born. We're not boundary-setting types, so this felt a little weird. But it was SO NICE. We had a week or two with just us and the baby after she was born. It was bonding, it let us navigate the early landscape of "being a family" with a little clarity. I really loved that time. I know a lot of advice contradicts that and says to bring in loved ones early to help - I'm sure that's great too. Just wanted to share a different perspective in case it's helpful.
One-handed food, yes, but also keeping food right next to your bed. I would wake up ravenous in the middle of the night. I was way more hungry immediately postpartum than I ever was while pregnant
Joy! Congratulations! I am a Mom of two, and I breastfed both kids, but I fully support the "Fed is Best" practice because seriously, even with two boobs chockful of milk, it took almost two weeks for me and my eldest to figure out how to nurse.
Here are some important things that got me through those early days:
Hide snacks near places you will be sitting. Expect to get "nap trapped" despite all your best efforts, it will happen. Do not be unprepared. I kept a bag of trailmix and a bottle of water stashed next to multiple chairs, sofas, and beds in my house. If you really feel like being kind to future you, stash a bag of those tiny, disposable toothbrushes (wisps?) with the snacks. The number of times I fell asleep after nursing and snacking but just could not get it together to brush my teeth put my dentist into a panic. Also, be gentle with yourself, everything is going to feel incredibly difficult. Going pee, getting dressed, making coffee, if you can't get someone else to hold the baby or help you , expect things to take twice if not three times as long. Expect to be interrupted. Be okay with "just done" over "perfect".
I would also say, summer with a new baby can be a very hot, stinky, sweaty time. The baby might not wear any clothes but a diaper all summer. That's fine (and saves you laundry!). luke warm baths with baby should happen for everybody's comfort (obvs after c-section healing is complete).
Also, please just don't be scared you're doing it wrong. You can't. You literally can't. You were made to be your baby's Mama, and you will know inside yourself more about what they need and how to take the best care of them than you will believe. So when in doubt, PUT THE PHONE DOWN. The internet will make you doubt yourself more than anything else. The blogs, the reddit threads, the posts, they were all for someone else's baby. Your baby is not going to behave like theirs, so don't go there! The comparison monster is really mean in early postpartum. You don't need her! Trust yourself! She knows what's up. Sending love!
Also 100% agree with the “don’t be scared you’re doing it wrong” and the comparison monster! You were made for this and will do a great job! (Also no one knows what the heck they’re doing most of the time, we’re all just figuring it out as we go. Promise).
I feel like no one truly prepares you for how isolating motherhood can feel. Your body doesn’t belong to you. People want to see the baby. You are up and down with hormones all day and night for months. Your identity transforms overnight. And while I was never alone, I often felt lonely trying to navigate what I was now in this fourth trimester. And after ten years, I honestly still am not quite sure. But I’ve found a good community of mothers to share and discover with.
One of the best gifts I was given was a trusted friend came over and just held my baby for a few hours so I could sleep and shower. I had a baby who didn’t like to be put down, so my arms and my brain needed the break. No visiting and chatting, just someone I loved holding my baby (and sanity) while I took time for me. It’s those little moments I remember the most.
If you are planning on using formula at all (I did both and whatever YOU choose is BEST!) consider investing in a Baby Brezza machine. Kind of like a keurig for bottles? Truly worth the investment in my opinion especially for those middle of the night feedings when you don’t want to spend time measuring out/mixing a bottle. It does the work for you in about 30 seconds!
How exciting for you!! I’ve been following your blog since 2010 - so happy for you!
I have a one year old and a 3 year old. My advice to you: the internet will make you believe you’re doing everything wrong. The final push for me was seeing a video that said I’d be hurting my baby’s hips if I changed their diaper the day I do…..turn it off and trust your motherly instincts.
Emily Oster’s expecting better book gave me the best mindset for pregnancy and postpartum/parenthood. And further alludes to: you’re not going to kill your baby by having one glass of wine whilst pregnant, etc…. The studies they base the suggested guidelines on represent a population of people far different from yourself!
Ultimately, Will should be constantly reminding you: “you can’t fight nature,” as my husband so lovingly did for me in those early days postpartum, and still today. Sometimes, the baby just needs the mama. There’s nothing else to it! Yay, babies!
1st would ask what do you love, centers you and gives you life?
1st baby -> any easy stroller (walking gives me life) while listening to a podcast i enjoyed.
2nd baby -> a baby chair & speaker in the bathroom because showers & music centered me.
3rd baby set up counseling appointments at 3 months post postpartum, to help me find my way back to me.
Mixed in were a freezer full of “breakfast“ cookies, clothes i could sleep in or walk around the block, lots of watching the GB bake off while feeding/ pumping :)
Even if you LOVE to cook for others, if it's your lifeblood and whole personality, even if you have a burst of energy and feel like your old self temporarily when your baby is brand new, realize you were actually running on adrenaline and every time someone offers to make a meal for you you should say yes. Learned this the very hard way when I tried "business as usual" vibes after my first baby was born; I was feeling great and started cooking for everybody, then crashed hard at three months postpartum and by then it felt like too late to ask for help. Second time around, those early meals people made for me (even though it was just a few..) sustained the baby and I both for months. 🫶🏼
I loved having Jenn Leuke’s breakfast biscuits ready in the freezer for quick and easy one handed breakfasts for like…the first four months postpartum. They warm great in the microwave from frozen.
My favorite mantra early on (and still) was “it’s not hard because I’m bad at it, it’s hard because it’s hard.” Motherhood is beautiful and wonderful. And it is inherently difficult sometimes. Remind yourself that it feeling hard has nothing to do with if you are “a good mom.” It just is what it is sometimes. 🫶🏻❤️
So wonderful!! Mom of five daughters and the last two are twins! We’ve walked through eight years of infertility and have lost seven babies along our journey - my heart goes out to you!
I am a 2 (Helper) on the enneagram so asking for help is not what I *do but that had to change when the twins arrived. In stead of asking or assuming people should just *know* what I like done I wrote a list of my top tasks that help me feel on top of things and anyone could do any of the tasks and help me.
Showering whenever I could, even twice a day.
Nuts/dried fruit/cheese snacks available at all times.
Coffee. And water.
You’ll find your footing and groove sooner than you think. Take it slow. Smell the baby’s head. The early days are a lot. It’s a tender time. Feel it all.
1. Your spouse is not the enemy, the baby is the enemy.
2. Make a plan for a little PPD (or at least a 3PM crying jag with hormone lows) and be delighted if you don't need it.
3. Whatever you want is correct. No visitors? Great! Friends swinging by all the time? Great! No hospital visitors? Great! Whole family there for the birth? Also great!
1. Cracked me up. But also true! Our kids are almost flown, but my husband and I had a policy to “always unite against the children” LOL. We were on the same side even when we didn’t agree and our kids never bothered with the whole “divide and conquer”thing.
ENORMOUS congrats from one IVF & C-Section momma to another!
Here's my embarrassingly simple tip, that was a huge game-changer for me: the moment I realized I could LIE DOWN on my bed (instead of sitting up in a nursing chair—overrated IMO) and breastfeed my daughter. She nursed while I read a book and then we both blissfully fell asleep. No need for either of us to move around or adjust. Just drifted off and slept.
Sending you all the love and good wishes as you come down the home stretch. 💗
Yes, I did co-sleeping with my kids. If you don't feel comfortable with them in the bed (we have a king size) then you can use a bedside sleeper crib. It keeps nighttime feedings as uninterruptive as possible, it's magic.
Joy - be you! Set the boundaries that you want to set. If you are able, see if you can find a night nurse for the first week or two. Not only will they help get you and baby on a schedule, but mine helped me pack a bag for our first doctors visit and gave me so many practical tips!
I insisted on showering or bathing everyday, no negotiations.
For c-section - use a pad to line/lay between your scar and your underwear for comfort. Start constipation meds early!
And don’t compare baby to other babies - concentrate on following their own curve.
Not comparing your baby to other babies is a BIG thing. And it goes a long time too. Don't compare your kids or your grown kids to others either. LOL! Get used to that, practice it for the rest of your life. LOL!
Congratulations! I am a nurse for first time moms and a mom of twins. Postpartum nonnegotiable is….Shower daily. It won’t the the same time every day, it maybe at night mid day or in the morning (anytime someone can sit with the baby bc you always hear a baby crying in the shower; it’s weird) but it can save your sanity. Give yourself a break; your job in the beginning is feed baby, clean baby, hold baby and feed yourself be clean and have someone give you a hug if you can lol.
Oh and remember “crying doesn’t mean dying” that’s how babes talk to say absolutely everything so take a breath and you got this 👏😊
This was my first thought too. I’m 10 weeks into my 4th postpartum season and my daily shower is nonnegotiable. Does the baby cry during it? Every time, but it’s a mind/body break that is essential.
Also, try and get outside time in every day. Early on this looks like sitting on the porch or walking around your yard, then evolves into walks.
Yes!! I can’t understand when I see posts of mothers not having showered for a week, a shower daily, without bebe is esssential.
I second all of this!
Can I third this comment/motion?!? A shower and a fresh set of clothes always felt good and did wonders.
Second piece I’ll offer is to always remember if you find yourself having what seems like an all-nighter with your littlest love, remember it’s only a season and you will actually miss it one day. I told myself that many times, especially with my third baby who loved all-night parties. We eventually found a rhythm and now she’s 17 and giving me all the teenager love. I’m truly so excited for yall! What a beautiful blessing!
Things that truly saved me postpartum:
- getting off of social media!!! I didn’t do this until my third baby but my god, did it save me mentally in so many ways.
- finding a good book to listen to or read on my kindle app so I always had it on hand and could read during feedings.
- I picked a comfort show to binge watch during late night feedings. Mine was Gilmore Girls. Also helped to have a snack I’d eat during that time. And truthfully, mine was Ghirardelli chocolate chips because no one tells you that breastfeeding / postpartum cravings are also a very real thing!!
- having more than one nursing pillow around the house so I wasn’t always trying to track it down
- having a friend set up a meal train so friends could bring me meals or send me gift cards for take out
- being very honest with my husband and talking to him all about how I was feeling/not holding any of it in.
- getting outside with my baby at least once a day.
- a baby carrier / wrap — allowed me to have babies contact nap and still have my hands free and the ability to move around the house
- with my first two I put them in their own room by the time they were 3 weeks old 😬 with my third he was in our room for like 6 months. Do what works for YOU. If you can’t stand the baby grunts in the middle of the night, it’s okay for the baby to be in his or her own room!
Lastly, the biggest thing I wish someone had told me after my first baby is that it is okay to not love every second of becoming a mom and motherhood. In fact, you won’t love every second. However, this in no way makes you a bad mom or means you love your baby any less. It just means you’re human, and you too are learning a new way of being in the world. 🫶🏼
Truly so excited for you, can’t wait to see you become a mama! This baby is already luckier than he or she knows!
I second all of this!!! So well said
Hi Joy! Truly to each their own, but: My husband and I decided to ask loved ones to wait a little bit before visiting after the baby was born. We're not boundary-setting types, so this felt a little weird. But it was SO NICE. We had a week or two with just us and the baby after she was born. It was bonding, it let us navigate the early landscape of "being a family" with a little clarity. I really loved that time. I know a lot of advice contradicts that and says to bring in loved ones early to help - I'm sure that's great too. Just wanted to share a different perspective in case it's helpful.
Absolutely this ^!
One-handed food, yes, but also keeping food right next to your bed. I would wake up ravenous in the middle of the night. I was way more hungry immediately postpartum than I ever was while pregnant
Joy! Congratulations! I am a Mom of two, and I breastfed both kids, but I fully support the "Fed is Best" practice because seriously, even with two boobs chockful of milk, it took almost two weeks for me and my eldest to figure out how to nurse.
Here are some important things that got me through those early days:
Hide snacks near places you will be sitting. Expect to get "nap trapped" despite all your best efforts, it will happen. Do not be unprepared. I kept a bag of trailmix and a bottle of water stashed next to multiple chairs, sofas, and beds in my house. If you really feel like being kind to future you, stash a bag of those tiny, disposable toothbrushes (wisps?) with the snacks. The number of times I fell asleep after nursing and snacking but just could not get it together to brush my teeth put my dentist into a panic. Also, be gentle with yourself, everything is going to feel incredibly difficult. Going pee, getting dressed, making coffee, if you can't get someone else to hold the baby or help you , expect things to take twice if not three times as long. Expect to be interrupted. Be okay with "just done" over "perfect".
I would also say, summer with a new baby can be a very hot, stinky, sweaty time. The baby might not wear any clothes but a diaper all summer. That's fine (and saves you laundry!). luke warm baths with baby should happen for everybody's comfort (obvs after c-section healing is complete).
Also, please just don't be scared you're doing it wrong. You can't. You literally can't. You were made to be your baby's Mama, and you will know inside yourself more about what they need and how to take the best care of them than you will believe. So when in doubt, PUT THE PHONE DOWN. The internet will make you doubt yourself more than anything else. The blogs, the reddit threads, the posts, they were all for someone else's baby. Your baby is not going to behave like theirs, so don't go there! The comparison monster is really mean in early postpartum. You don't need her! Trust yourself! She knows what's up. Sending love!
Also 100% agree with the “don’t be scared you’re doing it wrong” and the comparison monster! You were made for this and will do a great job! (Also no one knows what the heck they’re doing most of the time, we’re all just figuring it out as we go. Promise).
I second this squirrel like storing away if snacks!
I feel like no one truly prepares you for how isolating motherhood can feel. Your body doesn’t belong to you. People want to see the baby. You are up and down with hormones all day and night for months. Your identity transforms overnight. And while I was never alone, I often felt lonely trying to navigate what I was now in this fourth trimester. And after ten years, I honestly still am not quite sure. But I’ve found a good community of mothers to share and discover with.
One of the best gifts I was given was a trusted friend came over and just held my baby for a few hours so I could sleep and shower. I had a baby who didn’t like to be put down, so my arms and my brain needed the break. No visiting and chatting, just someone I loved holding my baby (and sanity) while I took time for me. It’s those little moments I remember the most.
The feeling of my body not being my own was really hard for me personally but talking about it with my spouse helped us a lot
If you are planning on using formula at all (I did both and whatever YOU choose is BEST!) consider investing in a Baby Brezza machine. Kind of like a keurig for bottles? Truly worth the investment in my opinion especially for those middle of the night feedings when you don’t want to spend time measuring out/mixing a bottle. It does the work for you in about 30 seconds!
A comfy robe and soft button-down pajamas are lifesavers for (what feels like nonstop) feeding!
More burp cloths than seems reasonable!
It’s okay to cry and to feel overwhelmed - it’s overwhelming…and you will get through the trenches!
Cookie dough balls in the freezer!
How exciting for you!! I’ve been following your blog since 2010 - so happy for you!
I have a one year old and a 3 year old. My advice to you: the internet will make you believe you’re doing everything wrong. The final push for me was seeing a video that said I’d be hurting my baby’s hips if I changed their diaper the day I do…..turn it off and trust your motherly instincts.
Emily Oster’s expecting better book gave me the best mindset for pregnancy and postpartum/parenthood. And further alludes to: you’re not going to kill your baby by having one glass of wine whilst pregnant, etc…. The studies they base the suggested guidelines on represent a population of people far different from yourself!
Ultimately, Will should be constantly reminding you: “you can’t fight nature,” as my husband so lovingly did for me in those early days postpartum, and still today. Sometimes, the baby just needs the mama. There’s nothing else to it! Yay, babies!
Congratulations :)
1st would ask what do you love, centers you and gives you life?
1st baby -> any easy stroller (walking gives me life) while listening to a podcast i enjoyed.
2nd baby -> a baby chair & speaker in the bathroom because showers & music centered me.
3rd baby set up counseling appointments at 3 months post postpartum, to help me find my way back to me.
Mixed in were a freezer full of “breakfast“ cookies, clothes i could sleep in or walk around the block, lots of watching the GB bake off while feeding/ pumping :)
Even if you LOVE to cook for others, if it's your lifeblood and whole personality, even if you have a burst of energy and feel like your old self temporarily when your baby is brand new, realize you were actually running on adrenaline and every time someone offers to make a meal for you you should say yes. Learned this the very hard way when I tried "business as usual" vibes after my first baby was born; I was feeling great and started cooking for everybody, then crashed hard at three months postpartum and by then it felt like too late to ask for help. Second time around, those early meals people made for me (even though it was just a few..) sustained the baby and I both for months. 🫶🏼
This very much sounds like something that could happen to me! Thank you for flagging this for me! 😅😅😅
Right!! I can sense your generous spirit and it is so beautiful, but this is a moment for letting people dote on you!
Congrats!! You’re going to be amazing!
I loved having Jenn Leuke’s breakfast biscuits ready in the freezer for quick and easy one handed breakfasts for like…the first four months postpartum. They warm great in the microwave from frozen.
My favorite mantra early on (and still) was “it’s not hard because I’m bad at it, it’s hard because it’s hard.” Motherhood is beautiful and wonderful. And it is inherently difficult sometimes. Remind yourself that it feeling hard has nothing to do with if you are “a good mom.” It just is what it is sometimes. 🫶🏻❤️
So wonderful!! Mom of five daughters and the last two are twins! We’ve walked through eight years of infertility and have lost seven babies along our journey - my heart goes out to you!
I am a 2 (Helper) on the enneagram so asking for help is not what I *do but that had to change when the twins arrived. In stead of asking or assuming people should just *know* what I like done I wrote a list of my top tasks that help me feel on top of things and anyone could do any of the tasks and help me.
Showering whenever I could, even twice a day.
Nuts/dried fruit/cheese snacks available at all times.
Coffee. And water.
You’ll find your footing and groove sooner than you think. Take it slow. Smell the baby’s head. The early days are a lot. It’s a tender time. Feel it all.
1. Your spouse is not the enemy, the baby is the enemy.
2. Make a plan for a little PPD (or at least a 3PM crying jag with hormone lows) and be delighted if you don't need it.
3. Whatever you want is correct. No visitors? Great! Friends swinging by all the time? Great! No hospital visitors? Great! Whole family there for the birth? Also great!
1. Cracked me up. But also true! Our kids are almost flown, but my husband and I had a policy to “always unite against the children” LOL. We were on the same side even when we didn’t agree and our kids never bothered with the whole “divide and conquer”thing.
Hi Joy,
ENORMOUS congrats from one IVF & C-Section momma to another!
Here's my embarrassingly simple tip, that was a huge game-changer for me: the moment I realized I could LIE DOWN on my bed (instead of sitting up in a nursing chair—overrated IMO) and breastfeed my daughter. She nursed while I read a book and then we both blissfully fell asleep. No need for either of us to move around or adjust. Just drifted off and slept.
Sending you all the love and good wishes as you come down the home stretch. 💗
Yes, I did co-sleeping with my kids. If you don't feel comfortable with them in the bed (we have a king size) then you can use a bedside sleeper crib. It keeps nighttime feedings as uninterruptive as possible, it's magic.
https://www.amazon.com/MOMFANN-Bassinet-Upgraded-Stability-Adjustment/dp/B0DCVFLJQ5/ref=asc_df_B0DCVFLJQ5?tag=bngsmtphsnus-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80333198175420&hvnetw=s&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=103547&hvtargid=pla-4583932730679291&th=1
Joy - be you! Set the boundaries that you want to set. If you are able, see if you can find a night nurse for the first week or two. Not only will they help get you and baby on a schedule, but mine helped me pack a bag for our first doctors visit and gave me so many practical tips!
I insisted on showering or bathing everyday, no negotiations.
For c-section - use a pad to line/lay between your scar and your underwear for comfort. Start constipation meds early!
And don’t compare baby to other babies - concentrate on following their own curve.
Take all the pics!
Not comparing your baby to other babies is a BIG thing. And it goes a long time too. Don't compare your kids or your grown kids to others either. LOL! Get used to that, practice it for the rest of your life. LOL!