Congratulations! I am a nurse for first time moms and a mom of twins. Postpartum nonnegotiable is….Shower daily. It won’t the the same time every day, it maybe at night mid day or in the morning (anytime someone can sit with the baby bc you always hear a baby crying in the shower; it’s weird) but it can save your sanity. Give yourself a break; your job in the beginning is feed baby, clean baby, hold baby and feed yourself be clean and have someone give you a hug if you can lol.
Oh and remember “crying doesn’t mean dying” that’s how babes talk to say absolutely everything so take a breath and you got this 👏😊
Can I third this comment/motion?!? A shower and a fresh set of clothes always felt good and did wonders.
Second piece I’ll offer is to always remember if you find yourself having what seems like an all-nighter with your littlest love, remember it’s only a season and you will actually miss it one day. I told myself that many times, especially with my third baby who loved all-night parties. We eventually found a rhythm and now she’s 17 and giving me all the teenager love. I’m truly so excited for yall! What a beautiful blessing!
- getting off of social media!!! I didn’t do this until my third baby but my god, did it save me mentally in so many ways.
- finding a good book to listen to or read on my kindle app so I always had it on hand and could read during feedings.
- I picked a comfort show to binge watch during late night feedings. Mine was Gilmore Girls. Also helped to have a snack I’d eat during that time. And truthfully, mine was Ghirardelli chocolate chips because no one tells you that breastfeeding / postpartum cravings are also a very real thing!!
- having more than one nursing pillow around the house so I wasn’t always trying to track it down
- having a friend set up a meal train so friends could bring me meals or send me gift cards for take out
- being very honest with my husband and talking to him all about how I was feeling/not holding any of it in.
- getting outside with my baby at least once a day.
- a baby carrier / wrap — allowed me to have babies contact nap and still have my hands free and the ability to move around the house
- with my first two I put them in their own room by the time they were 3 weeks old 😬 with my third he was in our room for like 6 months. Do what works for YOU. If you can’t stand the baby grunts in the middle of the night, it’s okay for the baby to be in his or her own room!
Lastly, the biggest thing I wish someone had told me after my first baby is that it is okay to not love every second of becoming a mom and motherhood. In fact, you won’t love every second. However, this in no way makes you a bad mom or means you love your baby any less. It just means you’re human, and you too are learning a new way of being in the world. 🫶🏼
Truly so excited for you, can’t wait to see you become a mama! This baby is already luckier than he or she knows!
Hi Joy! Truly to each their own, but: My husband and I decided to ask loved ones to wait a little bit before visiting after the baby was born. We're not boundary-setting types, so this felt a little weird. But it was SO NICE. We had a week or two with just us and the baby after she was born. It was bonding, it let us navigate the early landscape of "being a family" with a little clarity. I really loved that time. I know a lot of advice contradicts that and says to bring in loved ones early to help - I'm sure that's great too. Just wanted to share a different perspective in case it's helpful.
One-handed food, yes, but also keeping food right next to your bed. I would wake up ravenous in the middle of the night. I was way more hungry immediately postpartum than I ever was while pregnant
If you are planning on using formula at all (I did both and whatever YOU choose is BEST!) consider investing in a Baby Brezza machine. Kind of like a keurig for bottles? Truly worth the investment in my opinion especially for those middle of the night feedings when you don’t want to spend time measuring out/mixing a bottle. It does the work for you in about 30 seconds!
As a mom of a now 13 and 12 year olds who were both different from each other with attitudes, sleep schedules, and such postpartum. Some things that helped me survive:
1) Give yourself grace. You are a new mom and you are trying to figure it out. Take the pressure of doing everything perfect.
2) Showering: bring them in a bassinet onto the floor of the bathroom if you can just to give yourself a rinse off
3) Freezer meals and such are great where they are dump and go to take the mental load off of what to make for dinner
The mantra my MIL told me: Babies cry. I know this sounds completely obvious. But when my son was a newborn, I felt awful sometimes when I couldn’t stop his crying. My MIL, a former baby nurse, reassured me. Sometimes he is just crying because he is a baby and babies cry.
1 handed foods forever. Take pajamas to the hospital, like nice comfy cute ones. And be very very gentle with yourself. It took me at least a year with both my kids to really feel like myself again.
Joy! Congratulations! I am a Mom of two, and I breastfed both kids, but I fully support the "Fed is Best" practice because seriously, even with two boobs chockful of milk, it took almost two weeks for me and my eldest to figure out how to nurse.
Here are some important things that got me through those early days:
Hide snacks near places you will be sitting. Expect to get "nap trapped" despite all your best efforts, it will happen. Do not be unprepared. I kept a bag of trailmix and a bottle of water stashed next to multiple chairs, sofas, and beds in my house. If you really feel like being kind to future you, stash a bag of those tiny, disposable toothbrushes (wisps?) with the snacks. The number of times I fell asleep after nursing and snacking but just could not get it together to brush my teeth put my dentist into a panic. Also, be gentle with yourself, everything is going to feel incredibly difficult. Going pee, getting dressed, making coffee, if you can't get someone else to hold the baby or help you , expect things to take twice if not three times as long. Expect to be interrupted. Be okay with "just done" over "perfect".
I would also say, summer with a new baby can be a very hot, stinky, sweaty time. The baby might not wear any clothes but a diaper all summer. That's fine (and saves you laundry!). luke warm baths with baby should happen for everybody's comfort (obvs after c-section healing is complete).
Also, please just don't be scared you're doing it wrong. You can't. You literally can't. You were made to be your baby's Mama, and you will know inside yourself more about what they need and how to take the best care of them than you will believe. So when in doubt, PUT THE PHONE DOWN. The internet will make you doubt yourself more than anything else. The blogs, the reddit threads, the posts, they were all for someone else's baby. Your baby is not going to behave like theirs, so don't go there! The comparison monster is really mean in early postpartum. You don't need her! Trust yourself! She knows what's up. Sending love!
Also 100% agree with the “don’t be scared you’re doing it wrong” and the comparison monster! You were made for this and will do a great job! (Also no one knows what the heck they’re doing most of the time, we’re all just figuring it out as we go. Promise).
I feel like no one truly prepares you for how isolating motherhood can feel. Your body doesn’t belong to you. People want to see the baby. You are up and down with hormones all day and night for months. Your identity transforms overnight. And while I was never alone, I often felt lonely trying to navigate what I was now in this fourth trimester. And after ten years, I honestly still am not quite sure. But I’ve found a good community of mothers to share and discover with.
One of the best gifts I was given was a trusted friend came over and just held my baby for a few hours so I could sleep and shower. I had a baby who didn’t like to be put down, so my arms and my brain needed the break. No visiting and chatting, just someone I loved holding my baby (and sanity) while I took time for me. It’s those little moments I remember the most.
Aw Joy, I’m so happy for you! Some things that really helped me:
1. A crying baby is a breathing baby.
2. Make sure you have safe places to put your baby when you need to do something — a crib, a bouncer, etc.
3. Take care of YOU too! I would change out of old PJs and put on new ones, put my hair in a bun, maybe pop in some earrings and I felt like a new woman haha. This was also when I discovered Salty Face fake tan, which has great ingredients and doesn’t need to be washed off!
4. Express gratitude for your partner every day. It makes such a difference when you’re navigating broken sleep, an unfamiliar body, etc.
5. Accept and ask for help! My sister would come over to do our dishes and take our recycling out at the beginning when it was all just a lot. People want to feel wanted/needed!
6. Give it time. You’ll sleep again. Your baby will meet their milestones in their own time. You’ll feel like you again. It’ll all get easier (in some ways haha). It truly just takes time! I have an article about this coming out soon but time is seriously such a crazy thing. As a mom, you simultaneously want it to speed up and slow down! It’s nuts!
Enjoy the ride. Your baby will only be this small for such a short period of time. Take 100,000,000 pictures and videos!
Congratulations! Two things I recommend- one festive, one clinical.
1. Instead of having a baby shower before the baby was born, we had a Sip n’ See after she was born. It was a co-ed cocktail party for everyone to meet the baby (post shots, of course).
2. If you are pumping or nursing, when you decide to stop, the thing that truly works is cold cabbage. You stick a green cabbage in the fridge and put the cold leaves on your boobs. It stops the milk from coming. I don’t know why, but it works.
This is the BEST news! Congratulations (I wonder how many of your readers were thinking "I KNEW IT!") Here's my advice as a mother of 3 and grandmother of 4. Accept all the help you can that makes YOU comfortable. Your neighbor who won't let you rest or that aunt that you'll have to clean before she comes can come when little Catherine Lee (that's my name and I've followed you since dial up so it should be considered) is older. Also, trust our gut. You're much smarter than you realize. Also, babies are resilient. Someone said once that babies are the ones who survive earthquakes after three days. AAAANNNDDD, this is one of the few times you get to participate in a miracle. Enjoy and document every single minute. It goes so fast! So so happy for you!!!
Congratulations! I am a nurse for first time moms and a mom of twins. Postpartum nonnegotiable is….Shower daily. It won’t the the same time every day, it maybe at night mid day or in the morning (anytime someone can sit with the baby bc you always hear a baby crying in the shower; it’s weird) but it can save your sanity. Give yourself a break; your job in the beginning is feed baby, clean baby, hold baby and feed yourself be clean and have someone give you a hug if you can lol.
Oh and remember “crying doesn’t mean dying” that’s how babes talk to say absolutely everything so take a breath and you got this 👏😊
I second all of this!
Can I third this comment/motion?!? A shower and a fresh set of clothes always felt good and did wonders.
Second piece I’ll offer is to always remember if you find yourself having what seems like an all-nighter with your littlest love, remember it’s only a season and you will actually miss it one day. I told myself that many times, especially with my third baby who loved all-night parties. We eventually found a rhythm and now she’s 17 and giving me all the teenager love. I’m truly so excited for yall! What a beautiful blessing!
Things that truly saved me postpartum:
- getting off of social media!!! I didn’t do this until my third baby but my god, did it save me mentally in so many ways.
- finding a good book to listen to or read on my kindle app so I always had it on hand and could read during feedings.
- I picked a comfort show to binge watch during late night feedings. Mine was Gilmore Girls. Also helped to have a snack I’d eat during that time. And truthfully, mine was Ghirardelli chocolate chips because no one tells you that breastfeeding / postpartum cravings are also a very real thing!!
- having more than one nursing pillow around the house so I wasn’t always trying to track it down
- having a friend set up a meal train so friends could bring me meals or send me gift cards for take out
- being very honest with my husband and talking to him all about how I was feeling/not holding any of it in.
- getting outside with my baby at least once a day.
- a baby carrier / wrap — allowed me to have babies contact nap and still have my hands free and the ability to move around the house
- with my first two I put them in their own room by the time they were 3 weeks old 😬 with my third he was in our room for like 6 months. Do what works for YOU. If you can’t stand the baby grunts in the middle of the night, it’s okay for the baby to be in his or her own room!
Lastly, the biggest thing I wish someone had told me after my first baby is that it is okay to not love every second of becoming a mom and motherhood. In fact, you won’t love every second. However, this in no way makes you a bad mom or means you love your baby any less. It just means you’re human, and you too are learning a new way of being in the world. 🫶🏼
Truly so excited for you, can’t wait to see you become a mama! This baby is already luckier than he or she knows!
Hi Joy! Truly to each their own, but: My husband and I decided to ask loved ones to wait a little bit before visiting after the baby was born. We're not boundary-setting types, so this felt a little weird. But it was SO NICE. We had a week or two with just us and the baby after she was born. It was bonding, it let us navigate the early landscape of "being a family" with a little clarity. I really loved that time. I know a lot of advice contradicts that and says to bring in loved ones early to help - I'm sure that's great too. Just wanted to share a different perspective in case it's helpful.
One-handed food, yes, but also keeping food right next to your bed. I would wake up ravenous in the middle of the night. I was way more hungry immediately postpartum than I ever was while pregnant
If you are planning on using formula at all (I did both and whatever YOU choose is BEST!) consider investing in a Baby Brezza machine. Kind of like a keurig for bottles? Truly worth the investment in my opinion especially for those middle of the night feedings when you don’t want to spend time measuring out/mixing a bottle. It does the work for you in about 30 seconds!
As a mom of a now 13 and 12 year olds who were both different from each other with attitudes, sleep schedules, and such postpartum. Some things that helped me survive:
1) Give yourself grace. You are a new mom and you are trying to figure it out. Take the pressure of doing everything perfect.
2) Showering: bring them in a bassinet onto the floor of the bathroom if you can just to give yourself a rinse off
3) Freezer meals and such are great where they are dump and go to take the mental load off of what to make for dinner
4) Drink your water. Have to stay hydrated
5) Eat the cookie…..just eat the cookie….
The mantra my MIL told me: Babies cry. I know this sounds completely obvious. But when my son was a newborn, I felt awful sometimes when I couldn’t stop his crying. My MIL, a former baby nurse, reassured me. Sometimes he is just crying because he is a baby and babies cry.
1 handed foods forever. Take pajamas to the hospital, like nice comfy cute ones. And be very very gentle with yourself. It took me at least a year with both my kids to really feel like myself again.
Joy! Congratulations! I am a Mom of two, and I breastfed both kids, but I fully support the "Fed is Best" practice because seriously, even with two boobs chockful of milk, it took almost two weeks for me and my eldest to figure out how to nurse.
Here are some important things that got me through those early days:
Hide snacks near places you will be sitting. Expect to get "nap trapped" despite all your best efforts, it will happen. Do not be unprepared. I kept a bag of trailmix and a bottle of water stashed next to multiple chairs, sofas, and beds in my house. If you really feel like being kind to future you, stash a bag of those tiny, disposable toothbrushes (wisps?) with the snacks. The number of times I fell asleep after nursing and snacking but just could not get it together to brush my teeth put my dentist into a panic. Also, be gentle with yourself, everything is going to feel incredibly difficult. Going pee, getting dressed, making coffee, if you can't get someone else to hold the baby or help you , expect things to take twice if not three times as long. Expect to be interrupted. Be okay with "just done" over "perfect".
I would also say, summer with a new baby can be a very hot, stinky, sweaty time. The baby might not wear any clothes but a diaper all summer. That's fine (and saves you laundry!). luke warm baths with baby should happen for everybody's comfort (obvs after c-section healing is complete).
Also, please just don't be scared you're doing it wrong. You can't. You literally can't. You were made to be your baby's Mama, and you will know inside yourself more about what they need and how to take the best care of them than you will believe. So when in doubt, PUT THE PHONE DOWN. The internet will make you doubt yourself more than anything else. The blogs, the reddit threads, the posts, they were all for someone else's baby. Your baby is not going to behave like theirs, so don't go there! The comparison monster is really mean in early postpartum. You don't need her! Trust yourself! She knows what's up. Sending love!
Also 100% agree with the “don’t be scared you’re doing it wrong” and the comparison monster! You were made for this and will do a great job! (Also no one knows what the heck they’re doing most of the time, we’re all just figuring it out as we go. Promise).
I feel like no one truly prepares you for how isolating motherhood can feel. Your body doesn’t belong to you. People want to see the baby. You are up and down with hormones all day and night for months. Your identity transforms overnight. And while I was never alone, I often felt lonely trying to navigate what I was now in this fourth trimester. And after ten years, I honestly still am not quite sure. But I’ve found a good community of mothers to share and discover with.
One of the best gifts I was given was a trusted friend came over and just held my baby for a few hours so I could sleep and shower. I had a baby who didn’t like to be put down, so my arms and my brain needed the break. No visiting and chatting, just someone I loved holding my baby (and sanity) while I took time for me. It’s those little moments I remember the most.
Aw Joy, I’m so happy for you! Some things that really helped me:
1. A crying baby is a breathing baby.
2. Make sure you have safe places to put your baby when you need to do something — a crib, a bouncer, etc.
3. Take care of YOU too! I would change out of old PJs and put on new ones, put my hair in a bun, maybe pop in some earrings and I felt like a new woman haha. This was also when I discovered Salty Face fake tan, which has great ingredients and doesn’t need to be washed off!
4. Express gratitude for your partner every day. It makes such a difference when you’re navigating broken sleep, an unfamiliar body, etc.
5. Accept and ask for help! My sister would come over to do our dishes and take our recycling out at the beginning when it was all just a lot. People want to feel wanted/needed!
6. Give it time. You’ll sleep again. Your baby will meet their milestones in their own time. You’ll feel like you again. It’ll all get easier (in some ways haha). It truly just takes time! I have an article about this coming out soon but time is seriously such a crazy thing. As a mom, you simultaneously want it to speed up and slow down! It’s nuts!
Enjoy the ride. Your baby will only be this small for such a short period of time. Take 100,000,000 pictures and videos!
A comfy robe and soft button-down pajamas are lifesavers for (what feels like nonstop) feeding!
More burp cloths than seems reasonable!
It’s okay to cry and to feel overwhelmed - it’s overwhelming…and you will get through the trenches!
Cookie dough balls in the freezer!
Congratulations! Two things I recommend- one festive, one clinical.
1. Instead of having a baby shower before the baby was born, we had a Sip n’ See after she was born. It was a co-ed cocktail party for everyone to meet the baby (post shots, of course).
2. If you are pumping or nursing, when you decide to stop, the thing that truly works is cold cabbage. You stick a green cabbage in the fridge and put the cold leaves on your boobs. It stops the milk from coming. I don’t know why, but it works.
Not a momma, just good at finding things on the internet. Here's that app to see who else is awake with their babies, Beacon Postpartum. ✨ https://apps.apple.com/us/app/beacon-postpartum-support/id6754093355
This is lovely.
Savor every moment. My baby is now 32 and time flew by. Every stage from infancy to adulthood has been wonderful!
This is the BEST news! Congratulations (I wonder how many of your readers were thinking "I KNEW IT!") Here's my advice as a mother of 3 and grandmother of 4. Accept all the help you can that makes YOU comfortable. Your neighbor who won't let you rest or that aunt that you'll have to clean before she comes can come when little Catherine Lee (that's my name and I've followed you since dial up so it should be considered) is older. Also, trust our gut. You're much smarter than you realize. Also, babies are resilient. Someone said once that babies are the ones who survive earthquakes after three days. AAAANNNDDD, this is one of the few times you get to participate in a miracle. Enjoy and document every single minute. It goes so fast! So so happy for you!!!