What Do You Want to See in Your Post- Life Report?

Like Spotify Wrapped, but for your entire earthly existence.

I saw something recently on the world wide internet (TikTok, if we’re being honest) that’s stuck with me. A woman casually suggested that when we die, we should be handed a Spotify Wrapped-style report of our lives. The big and small stats of a life well lived. Imagine drifting into The Great Beyond with a tidy little dossier of your life by numbers (with visual aids, obviously)… yea, I’m going to need that paperwork.

It would include the obvious, of course:

• Best outfit ever worn (with date, years, and all known witnesses)

• Worst outfit (photographic proof required for humility and balance)

• Closest call with death (did I know? I have a feeling I knew.)

• A playlist of songs that make someone think of me when they hear them.

• Number of minutes I spent laughing with my family.

• Lifetime amount of chocolate consumed (in pounds)

Naturally, I took to the group chat (aka Instagram) and asked: What would your stats include? And I will say, y’all are brilliant. You’ve got soul and introspection, and you just want a list of people who have had a crush on you…. which makes all the sense in the world to me!

So this week’s newsletter is a love letter to the lives we’ve lived - the lives we’re LIVING! We’re building these stats brick by brick. We’re smack dab in the middle of it. Here’s to the small moments that matter more than we know, the outfit that slay, and flirting with the world so dang-near everyone has a little crush, thankyouverymuch.

Here’s are the stats y’all want:

Kacy: The top 10 times I’ve laughed the hardest and who I was with in those moments.

Amelia: I want to know the moments I actually made a difference in someone else’s life.

Shannon: Number of people (and who) still think of me from time to time even though they’re no longer in my life.

Randi: How many times did I *almost* met the right person at the right time?

Blair: How many times was I five feet from a snack without knowing it?

Kacie: Which times my judgement/intuition about people were right.

Alex: I’d like to see scenes where someone thought “wow she looks beautiful/ is so smart!”

Haley: Number of times I made someone belly laugh (and number of times I belly laughed).

Abby: I want to know who loved me and didn’t say and if karma worked on my enemies.

Julie: Number of delicious coffees consumed.

Maggie: Who loved me with their whole heart, for real, in case I missed it. I want to learn for next time.

Allie: I want to know when I met serial killers and didn’t know.

Devin: I need the top 5 most unnecessarily dramatic inner monologues. Also maybe the single worst take I’ve ever had and then maybe the best, too.

Meg: Number of cookies consumed and number of core memories I’m in.

Magda: Number of different cakes I made and ate.

Emma: Number of impulse buys that were absolutely worth it vs a total waste.

Liz: How many people had crushes on me and how many were intimidated by me.

Erin: How much money I actually spent on my children.

Kat: A list of everyone who hates my guts and why.

Sarah: A list of every birth I’ve attended and what their life trajectory looked like.

Charles: How many total steps did I take?

Kathryn: How many times I rolled my eyes.

A Collopy: How much sugar or cheese I’ve eaten.

Cara: A list of men who were in love with me.

Amanda: How many times I swam super close to a shark without knowing it.

Meg: The absolute best hair day, with a photo attachment.

Mary: I want to see all my grocery lists, first to last.

Ashley: How many times I ate pizza and how many times I did the thing I always say I never do.

Kristen: Number of times I did/ said something that made someone’s day better.

Emily: Number of things not going as planned that were really God’s protection.

Kimberly: A list of my best decisions and a list of my worst decisions.

Christina: How many times I felt love and joy.

Emily: A list of who really liked my desserts and who was lying.

Rachel: How many days I enjoyed a sweet treat.

Helen: How many times I said “I love you”.

Steph: My bravest moment and my most scaredy-cat moment.

April: I want to know what food reminds people of me.

Katie: How many feet of hair I grew measured agains something the size of a baby elephant.

In the end, don’t we all just want to know that we mattered (and dodged a shark attack)? If our desserts delighted, if our presence made someone’s day a little lighter, that karma did the heavy lifting when we couldn’t. Also, the hard data on how much cheese and cake and cookies we ate would just for bragging rights.

What I know is that we’re tender-hearted, earnest, we try to be helpful, and if all systems fail we’re still bonafide baddies. And let’s not forget that we’re still in it, building the stat sheet. So let’s just keep going! Have a cookie and pet all the dogs you can. I love us, byeee!